Your words offend me not!

Be slow to anger and quick to forgive. Be hard to offend and even harder to sway from a cheerful disposition. I've read and re-read some of the latest stories on the internet and one of the words or terms or phrases I hear most about as it pertains to unforgivable offenses are these "irreconcilable differences" and "*blank* offends me." I'll never do business with this company again..." or other phrases of false anger like, "They should have known better than to say this!" when, for the most part, the issuer of the offensive phrases may or may not have even known that it was socially unacceptable or even offensive. Should he or she have to apologize? Since when did we become a society that has such thin skin and where we are so easily offended? Do we live in a world which by our very existence and our being here could be offensive to something or someone? We use air that gets polluted and it's that country's/state's,city's fault, water that belongs to a certain tribe or principality that is not being shared and other resources that may belong to someone else. We do not have a choice as to whether someone is going to offend us. Not even if we live alone as a hermit somewhere in the middle of the wilderness are we not going to be offended by something or someone. Someone somewhere and somehow is going to take offense about something but why? When do we learn how to be offended? Is it even REAL? or is it false anger or has it been taught to us by our parents and teachers as to the reasons we ought to be offended? Does someone gain anything by being or saying that they were offended? I personally believe that saying the words, "I'm offended" helps to release people from any personal responsibility for maintaining their own happiness. It makes it easy, I postulate, to say, "I'm not happy because of... and then, name a reason for the offense." Lives and the eternal lives of men hang on the balance, at times, from that one time they were offended and choose to stay offended, it may at times then seem. I shudder at times to think that something I may have said, insinuated or done at times may have forever altered people from a path which could undoubtedly lead them to happiness and yet they will not. Do we even have the right to say, "I am not happy because of him? or her?" or anybody but ourselves? I suppose that God will help us sort things out. I used to have high anxiety and passed through times of deep, dark depression thinking that the 'sword of justice was looming over my head and God was letting me say my 'goodbyes' and I was walking the earth as a dead man walking since the # of people I have offended should by about now have been TOO HIGH for God to continue letting me be. I'm a bull in a china shop and undoubtedly have said things that has offended someone else and it's MY FAULT that they won't now make it home to our heavenly, celestial home!" If any of you have thought about this, experienced the gravity of my words or otherwise, then I have one thing to say to you. CONGRATULATIONS FOR PARTICIPATING IN THE ROLE OF 'TESTERS' IN THIS WORLD WHERE NOT ONLY ARE WE BEING TESTED BUT SOMETIMES, WE ARE THE TEST! We are the test? Well, we know that we are being 'tested' but are we also at times, being the test? I think so. But think about it for a moment, shall we? I'm not saying that by our words, we have helped the devil to tempt men or that somehow by being part of the problem has disqualified us from being part of any solutions which lead us to happiness in the future. I feel it is well within my authority to at least suggest that not only are we here to be tested, but at times we play the role of 'challenger' as we go head to head with others of our fellow brothers and sisters while on this earth. I could say this, and I'd probably be within my own to say this too, and I'd say, "My experience with Utah LDS has been less than favorable and I have experienced the worst of the worst of criticism and judgment and the uncaring callous of men and women who to me, at times, appeared not to have a SOUL when I would deal with them." Are they bad and not going to heaven because of my findings? Absolutely NOT! I would not be the person I am today had I not had a brush up or two against a couple of Utah Mormons. I won't EVER choose to live there even if I were to live for another 100 years. It's just not going to happen! The difference between myself and a few others who in life, have complained about their feelers being hurt, is simply being boiled down to 1 simple phrase. "I have been offended, which was not my choosing. I continue to choose NOT to remain offended. This much I do have control over" Am I probably going to develop and continue progressing while in this life despite the dozens or possibly 100's of people that my boorish behavior may have been party to in the offenses against my fellow men? Absolutely! Has my phraseology and language towards others been perverted and tainted because of the natural man/the state of the natural man that I find myself at times a party to? Absolutely! Would you not think that your words have been so horribly disgusting that you should just quit right now and hope that God will have mercy on you? MERCY is the MAIN thing that I am hoping for myself and others! Am I probably one day going to have fingers pointed at my face as to being the reason that "HE was not happy" or that "SHE was mistreated?" You bet! When I watch T.V. and see a guy on trial for bombing himself up and others, my knee jerk reaction is to want to pick up a stone and be one of the first to cast it however the older I get, the more I want to let that stone fall off my fingers onto the ground and to drop down onto my own knees and weep to then say to myself, "I pray for mercy for him, and for me, and for all others who have discovered or have yet to discover the lost and fallen state that we now should most definitely be conscious of which is our current reality! But aren't I worried about the judgment for having offended so many of your brothers and sisters and that you won't make it in? Well for one, if you knew me and my past, you would have been able to see both the good and the bad and we'd probably be able to come to some sort of understanding that my own life (if classified) probably doesn't look that much different than yours. Brothers and sisters... life is TOO SHORT to spend it worrying about the past! "All you can do is all you can do and all you can do is (or at least I hope it will be) enough - Art Williams. I think that the disgust we feel when we see the mistakes of others happens for 1 or more reasons: 1) We are also offenders and we do not like to observe this behavior in others or against us. It's only natural. 2) We have been taught both in our conditioning and environment to accept or reject certain behaviors as 'inappropriate.' 3) We discover the deficits that exist in ourselves and fail to realize that we too are 'beggars' and depend on the same being, which is God, for our support and our daily bread. Our happiness stems from knowing who we are and not only becoming all who we could possibly become but to acknowledge that we DO have a savior and a mediator between us and God. Jesus said that we should be 'faithful in but a few things' in order to be rulers over many. When I read in the scriptures on how certain men, who are now my heroes, have handled this topic. I think of King Benjamin, most especially, when I look for hope and reasons to hope. King Benjamin was a laborer... he set forth his hand on a great number of occasions to work on behalf of his people and to publish peace. The weight of responsibility which rested upon his shoulders, as king, is something I could barely imagine for myself. Wouldn't he think at times, "Did I put this man to death in vain and was he innocent and will God judge me thus?" In the book of Mosiah, we get these two insights. For we are ALL BEGGARS! Mosiah 4:19 19 For behold, are we not all beggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have, for both food and raiment, and for gold, and for silver, and for all the riches which we have of every kind? It is very important that when we fall, we should seek mercy. The world would have you believe that you should seek justice and punishment for the wrongs that you do but this is not the way that the Lord would have us do it. Jesus himself went on record saying that we should 'judge righteous judgment or judge not at all' because the same rules that we apply to others may one day be applied against them and this indeed would be nothing short of a travesty for any good man or woman who probably has been keeping the commandments but have been discovered later on as men or women who 'have not charity' which is the pure love of Christ, it may not be well with them. No wonder why the Lord was so content with his parables about the 'Samaritan' in the various stories that he told. He would rather we be our very best version of those who speak kind words and give meaningful service to others. He would rather we be keeping the commandments of our father in heaven and not only out of duty but out of the love that we have towards our father in heaven and our yearning to become more like him. Having written all of this, I must also include that yes, we should offend less. I am not a fanatic about political correctness or any of its falseness. I don't feel any higher up on the totem pole for giving someone a pleasant label or adding any sweetness to an already bitter taste regardless of how much the world would rather that I do so. I may actually call it a shovel or a spade and it doesn't matter to me if this has offended someone else. That's their problem and not mine. Will they choose not to deal with me or will they refuse to talk with me? I don't care! If that man or woman chooses to stick to this and for the rest of their lives shun me then so be it. I've got 6,999,999,999 others in the world that I can go and form warm, personal relationships with and I won't lose much sleep over that and I may only mourn the loss of one potential friend but a little. The Savior, in all of his perfection, still managed to leave his life with enemies, his friends betrayed him and left him alone in his hours of need and suffering. I am no greater than he... rather, I am no where even close to his greatness... but if I leave this life with my sealing intact and with my forever family and having done some good and done some thing to positively touch the lives of others and help them on our way, then perhaps the Lord will remember that above all... that I may feel the joy with the one or more who choose to press forward and onward and great shall be our joy and hopefully all will be forgotten. It is my hope that I can forgive more than I am forgiven. I will not forgive others because they need my forgiveness... I'll do it because I need it for myself. I need to remove the weight from my heart and set aside the stumbling block of stubbornness and unwillingness to be gentle with others. I am grateful for my children and my daughter. It has been many many months since I have written in this blog and I am grateful for this day. I woke up again and I didn't die in the night so it's possible that God has yet more for me to do and learn. In Jesus' Name, Amen. #clorox

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Celestial Kingdom...

Life has it's ways to create distractions and deter us in the way. It has been over 1 year since I have acted out in such a way that proved serious enough to talk with my ecclesiastical authority. This day passes for sure as of the 1st of September. I had a sore repentance and it caused my body and soul much anxiety and depression. I'd like to bear a brief testimony to you all before fast and testimony meeting is to come. I may be doing there as well. Here it goes.

In 2013 My testimony has grown; 1) The Lord answers my prayers and that of my wife. Back in September/October, we decided to have another baby and it had been 8 years since. Our prayer was that she should have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. We asked for a girl and the Lord blessed us with one of his children. I am grateful to be a steward for one of his children and to have her in our family now. Summer is going on 2 months old. I now have a calling in my meeting house as a membership clerk in charge of keeping track of the church membership. (Assistant to the Clerk) and I love serving in the Lord's kingdom with this calling and that of being a father to 4 beautiful children.

2) I have a testimony of Tithing and earnest prayer; that the Lord indeed has and will continue to prosper me in my efforts to take care of my family. Without fail, every month, we are able to qualify for an extra bonus with my company and I attribute paying tithing as part of this benefit. One time, I qualified for that bonus on the first day of the month; out of the blue, as if right out of the Ether, I get a call from one of my cousins who asked me if I could sell him a sleep system. I said SURE! The Lord continues to show me how the windows of heaven may be opened up unto me but until this time, he takes care of me and my family day to day and with patience, I follow. He has never let me go hungry and my bills have all been paid. We always have what we need or want. I have been self employed since June of 2009 and I remain independent on self running on my own steam and this is how one works. Work as if it depended on myself alone but pray as if it depended on God for his help and guidance...

So it ended up being a 1,500 dollar order of which my cut was 20%. It came right before tax season. With that sale, we had our 200-300 extra in profit to then pay for our tax debt which wouldn't be much but it was there and we didn't have to borrow. In this manner has my testimony grown. This and that God helps or helped me to understand the anxiety and depression I was going through and for me to understand that he is ALWAYS there by my side even if my own body was or is incapable. It has been over 1 year since I made a covenant with the Lord to behave more like one of his disciples and more like the Christian man in Israel that I ought to be and the priesthood holder that he would more like me to be. I have a long way to go. I know the power of the atonement is a very real thing; and that God who is our heavenly father is earnestly interested in every single one of us and our lives, based on his ability to snatch me out from the awful hell I had created for myself.

This is my testimony to you of which I leave to you in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen!

I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive...

"I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men." Doctrine and Covenants 64:10

I've long been pondering this passage of scripture. I have at times heard when men have spoken at the pulpit. br />
Some have said, "I can only hope that when I leave this life, that I will do so free from any offense towards God and towards men." Some have possibly been able to already suppose they are worthy of this distinction. I on the other hand am very far from being able to say this or to elude that my life hasn't gone in the direction that it should or that perhaps I may have led others astray. I may have been guilty of leading entire generations of peoples to their destruction for not saying hello to them once at church, perhaps? How does God help to sort this out? Which part is mine and which part is God's, one may ask, correct?

Is it really that simple? Are we really that close to God and eternal blessings?

It saddens me, at times, that I myself and also others around me are so easily offended. I have been on both ends of the stick as far as being the offender and the offended happens to go.

But in the New Testament we learn this. "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:" Matt 6:14 Can we TRULY take this verse literally? And the subsequent verse about the reverse consequence would then also have to be true? Is it REALLY our job to simply learn how to forgive others?

I have spent many hours and days worrying about all of these things and wondering if life is even worth it to live when we consider that it's possible that others will not choose eternal life based on mine or the bad behavior of those I am stewards over.

We all know that it is an impossible and arduous and daunting task to even consider perfection in so many aspects of our lives. We are reminded every Sunday what it is that we are or we are not doing. We may be working on indexing (for genealogy) and have fallen very short of our goals and we then wonder about how much more we could have done if we had been more diligent. Case in point, I was working at my calling as the new assistant ward clerk in my ward and for the final 10 minutes of the 2nd hour, I decided to visit the church Genealogy library and see what I could do in that short time. I had about 6 minutes and felt I could arbitrate at least 1, maybe 2 census records. (For those who don't know what this is, an arbitrator can look over 1 record that has already been indexed by 2 or more others and then apply corrections or veto certain things to then make the record accurate and submission ready.)

So I was there and then all of the sudden, I got a slap on the shoulder by someone else in the ward saying, "Hey, there's our leader right here!" or something of the sort, and I replied somewhat confused to then say, "Uh, I guess I am?" - I didn't think I had nearly the numbers sufficient to receive praise. After all, I played a Zombie video game with my 13 year old earlier in the week and if truth be told, this game didn't have as clean of a rating as "T" for teen. There were many other times throughout this first half of the year when I would prefer to do my own will vs spend my hours doing key strokes for something that would not pay me something in a monetary form.

Could forgiveness be attained by something as simple as that? Will God come up to us, despite our many short comings, and say, "No, no need to fear little one. You are mine. You did well! Better than I had even hoped for you!" and would this not still leave me puzzled and befuddled at the mercy and goodness of our savior Jesus Christ for applying his faith to each of us as we have exercised ours in him? I would prefer that the answer to my own question is a resounding YES.

Could we really outshine our own misdeeds by a few simple improvements to our life? Can we truly become leaders of many things by being obedient and faithful in just a few while in life?

In my new calling, I was reminded of my own boorish behavior when just 2 years later a family had left the ward boundaries and moved upstate Washington someplace. That dreaded day had come. What became of them? 'They certainly had not found their new ward or had gone to church again since,' I thought to myself. They were a part member family before I came along and ruined it, to be sure.

Back in the summer of 2010, I invited their eldest son to join me in the local Clark County Fair and help me with my booth some 3 weeks before the event. We were trying to adequately decide compensation. I put out fliers and so did he. I was just getting my own feet wet and failing at the same time with this youth. To make a long story short, it ended up bad and feelings were trampled on. I came over and removed the demonstration equipment that I had loaned him for trail and learning and decided not to go with the boy. I returned days later, before the 10 day event, and tried to reconcile. When I tried to pay the eldest son, his father nearly refused me and disallowed me to even pay his son for the work that I did actually see him do. The feelings of bitterness continued on and I felt powerless to make amends. His younger son was disallowed to participate in various scouting programs that I was involved with. If I understand correctly the reason why his son never went camping with us it was because Dad said he would camp in the backyard with him, instead."

So they move out of the ward 2 summers ago and never alerted the new meeting house which would be the father's responsibility to do but none of that matters anymore does it? I have consigned a family to Hell. Why then should me and my family get to live in the good place? How would that be fair? A just God would and should reward me for my boorish behavior unto the ends of the law. If I'm lucky, I may live long enough to see my boys get married in the temple. MAYBE they will be more wise than I have been. Perhaps they may escape this live having offended NONE but not me! I have offended people in business and ostracized others who did not meet my expectations. Can this stay in the past? For months, I felt that it could not. I began to spiral out of control spiritually allowing any and all anxieties of mind occupy my thinking.

I struggled for many months with these feelings of regrets. I have offended more than just one. I have lied to more than just one. I felt like an outcast already and neither of these experiences in life was helping matters any. My body has suffered illness and pains in the chest, I have felt depression and anxiety over my many mis-deeds. For HOW could it be fair that me and my family get to enjoy eternity and a wealth of blessings KNOWING that it is possible now that others will be kept away from those blessings based on my stupidity?

I think I can forgive myself for my own sins or for the things I have committed against myself but what of the other sins committed against mankind? All of these do I lay before the foot of the Lord and hope. That hope is that somehow someway there is mercy in the cards, for me and my family. I pray that as I forgive others of their trespasses against me that I may obtain forgiveness. Else why are we here? Surely God is no respecter of persons. Surely God is both fair and just. Even if I have to spend the rest of my life trying to repair the wrongs that I have done against humanity, I should hope that I too may say but with meaning, "May I now go unto my God being rid of the blood and sins of this generation" having done all that I can to stand and having defended the name of Christ even until Death!" Regardless of when that should happen, it is my hope that I may return to that heavenly place with honor!

O Wretched Man That I Am!

Nephi said it best... and they might as well be my words. 2 Nephi 4: 16-35 16 Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard. 17 Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. 18 I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. 19 And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted. 20 My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep. 21 He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh. 22 He hath confounded mine enemies, unto the causing of them to quake before me. 23 Behold, he hath heard my cry by day, and he hath given me knowledge by visions in the night-time. 24 And by day have I waxed bold in mighty prayer before him; yea, my voice have I sent up on high; and angels came down and ministered unto me. 25 And upon the wings of his Spirit hath my body been carried away upon exceedingly high mountains. And mine eyes have beheld great things, yea, even too great for man; therefore I was bidden that I should not write them. 26 O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions? 27 And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy? 28 Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul. 29 Do not anger again because of mine enemies. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions. 30 Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation. 31 O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin? 32 May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart is broken and my spirit is contrite! O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousness before me, that I may walk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road! 33 O Lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robe of thy righteousness! O Lord, wilt thou make a way for mine escape before mine enemies! Wilt thou make my path straight before me! Wilt thou not place a stumbling block in my way—but that thou wouldst clear my way before me, and hedge not up my way, but the ways of mine enemy. 34 O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm. 35 Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen.

An Epiphany About The Atonement

I had an epiphany, over the weekend, that helped me to better understand the atonement vs being judged by the Lord for my own many mis-deeds in my life. I think many people's opinions about heaven are such; That it's a glorious place that one is trying not to get kicked out of... His fear comes by reading the story of Adam and Eve in the garden... and that when they sin, they obsess about getting kicked out. One obsesses about the judgment and he never truly lives or serves for he can not. He is on a self doom fulfilling cycle and can not allow the savior to bring him peace in his life. As in sports, these are they that don't continue trying to win the game (being infinite points ahead) but are trying not to lose with an infinite point lead. One of Satan's lies are: You can't be cleaned...you've gone too far... you will be judged. Never never never never EVER let him do that! If he ever reminds you of your past, remind him of his (the Devil) future!

There Is Hope For Every Soul That's Lost!

(Notes from the talk by Elder Kopischke)

Elder Erich W Kopischke had a talk in the last conference that popped up, one more time, but this time with a sign language accompaniment. This is what I derived from his talk and I hope that this pertains to me because if it pertains to me yet, it may also pertain to you and anyone else who wonders if they've "gone too far" to be recommended for salvation.

He outlined the simple pattern in which one may find ultimate acceptance of the Lord. And he paraphrased Joseph Smith speaking for and behalf of the Lord... he writes, "Verily I say unto you, all among them who know their hearts are honest, and are broken, and their spirits contrite, and are willing to observe their covenants by sacrifice—yea, every sacrifice which I, the Lord, shall command—they are accepted of me." Doctrine and Covenants Section 97:8

In the which, we are given 3 simple steps.

1) Know that our hearts are honest and broken.

2) know that our spirits are contrite.

3) be willing to observe our covenants by sacrifice. (as commanded by the Lord.)

Decision! Self reflection: we know our motives and desires. Broken = Soft, open, receptive heart vs hard hearted. Confirmation or gentle correction. Remorse; willin to pray over and acknowledge sins & short comings - contrite - willing to listen - to act(or do and not simply act like) - to humble oneself.

When our only desire is to serve him, we will be blessed w/ deep inner peace.

Prepare for that sacred ordiance. (The Sacrament) Acceptance + efforts + recognized = sins forgiven

Having the HG as our constant companion is the ultimate indicator that we are accepted of the father.

Stand firm and Faithful while the storms are raging around us. Seek and hope for that moment when the Lord says, "Well done thou good and faithful servant...thou hast been faithfull on a few things; thou shalt be a ruler of many!

Seek prayerfully over these things and he extends mercy and pardons those who repent!

Fear not, little children, for you are mine, and I have overcome the world, and you are of them that my Father hath given me; And none of them that my Father hath given me shall be lost. D&C 50:41-42

In conclusion, I want to close a thought from one of the songs I value, from Michael McLean... which goes:

There is an old Michael McClean song, I can't remember the name, I just remember a few lines of it. It goes like this,

"There is hope, for every soul that's lost. There is a way back home, no matter where you roam. Let His love heal you & lead you there. There's a place for every heart in pain, a place where there's not hurt, and there's no shame, let His love heal you & lead you there." - Michael McLean

In conclusion, In Elder Bednar's First Conference Talk As An Apostle, "he spoke of the tender mercies of the Lord, and how the Lord is in the details of our lives. So true. And ME, you said something that I think is pivotal, and that is that you've been working the program long enough (and I emphasize, "long enough") for you to begin to recognize some of those tender mercies in the details of your life.

"Don't get discouraged, any of you, no matter how long it takes, no matter how many tries it takes. And never fail to recognize any degree of improvement in your lives, and be thankful for it to the Lord in private prayer. The Lord is in the details of our lives."

This makes sense of anyone who has had a 'sore repentance' and it is my solemn prayer that the Lord's bowels may be filled with mercy and compassion towards all who are reading this message! May we do the things that our leaders suggest. May we all avoid SIN as though it were the plague! For there is NO JOY in sin. It may feel good, for a little while, but what remains is emptiness. If one would like their minds to be harrowed up in their many sins against the father, then by all means CONTINUE down that path. It is a lonely and a very dark place! If this has been our path, may our fates be like that of an Alma the Elder or even an Alma the Younger! Or perhaps a Zeezrom!

This I pray, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen! 1 Timothy 1:15 "This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief."

Who are your heroes?

Be sure to vote on my poll. Vote only once though!

Kudos!

Josh Nelson