I wrote this note, a while ago...
Dear Bishop,
The other night, I listened to "Come Thou Fount" late one night, as I went to bed. I was filled with goodness and hope when I heard that song but when I went to the temple today, I didn't feel that peace.
I no more have the desire to do evil but to do good continually.
This weekend, I will be fasting for the courage to not give up.
I was searching for answers in the scriptures and was reading in Mosiah 28:4 (1-4) and I would prefer that I can be like an Ammon or an Alma Jr ... I have had glimpses of warmth and goodness come back into my life but I still have that same concern as did the sons of Mosiah. It reads: Chapter 28
1 Now it came to pass that after the sons of Mosiah had done all these things, they took a small number with them and returned to their father, the king, and desired of him that he would grant unto them that they might, with these whom they had selected, go up to the land of Nephi that they might preach the things which they had heard, and that they might impart the word of God to their brethren, the Lamanites—
2 That perhaps they might bring them to the knowledge of the Lord their God, and convince them of the iniquity of their fathers; and that perhaps they might cure them of their hatred towards the Nephites, that they might also be brought to rejoice in the Lord their God, that they might become friendly to one another, and that there should be no more contentions in all the land which the Lord their God had given them.
3 Now they were desirous that salvation should be declared to every creature, for they could not bear that any human soul should perish; yea, even the very thoughts that any soul should endure endless torment did cause them to quake and tremble.
4 And thus did the Spirit of the Lord work upon them, for they were the very vilest of sinners. And the Lord saw fit in his infinite mercy to spare them; nevertheless they suffered much anguish of soul because of their iniquities, suffering much and fearing that they should be cast off forever.
I know my Dad prays for me as did Alma & King Mosiah did for his boys but with me, he sees a good boy and knows nothing about what I have battled in silence and in secret. He prays more for my younger brother to return to grace than he thinks he has to do for me.
I don't want to let either of my father's down in the end.
I'm willing to do whatever it takes to feel good again even if it means starting completely over.
I'm possibly a cross between Corianton and Shiblon. I am Shiblon but I did not heed Alma the Younger as I ought. I see the potential in me that you see but I can't unlock it by myself.
If the Lord is giving me a wake up call and I have stopped hitting snooze.
If I prove faithful and successful in my return back to grace, with God as my witness, you have my word that I will do ALL in my power to keep people from ever straying so far. Please keep me in your prayers and that God allots me enough time to sort through it all and once again have peace and then I will get back to work. This sin sick world needs to know that there is hope once I have established that I can.
I won't give up and I won't give in and I won't back down.
Love, Brother Nelson
His Reply:
You are a good man and I am full of hope for your future. We will meet soon
RSR
Showing posts with label sore repentance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sore repentance. Show all posts
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Tempt NOT the Lord thy God!
I have read this phrase time and time again but had always associated it with the Lord's being tempted and didn't apply it properly to myself.
"Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God" was given to the Devil by the Lord during his 40 days of fasting and journeying into the wilderness. Matt 4:7 ... if he did NOT do that, then so ought we NOT to do such, as well!
Oh how I wish I had obeyed that wise counsel and not tempted fate in my own life. Endowed member of the church and I spent time in places that I ought not to have been... and the devil laughed as it were and as if he should have also been saying, "You were so easy to sway..."
It is a long hard road back. I chose the ambulance down at the bottom of the cliff than to heed the fence at the top. I can only hope that with God's help, that I can make a full recovery, in my life... and that it is not everlastingly too late. I have been correcting all of my behavior and all of my wrongs. I feel the spirit coming back into my life in tiny spells of warmth but nothing like the constant companionship of the HG. My wife and I have talked many things through and I have wept bitter tears while in her arms asking her, "Would you recommend me to God?" after all that I have done. My sweet wife has and I think will forgive me eventually for the pain that I have caused her. My bishopric has asked me to serve her and to love her as I have never done so before. With this, I can only hope that my days may be long upon the land and that I too may be found worthy or found clean from the blood and sins of this generation.
We live in a sin sick world. I urge you to never never never never EVER tempt fate. Never flirt with disaster. Never see yourselves in unholy places. Never spend time in pubs or in gentlemen's clubs or adult themed toy stores or anything of the like... not even if another couple convinces you that it is okay, to go as a couple, or in ANY other undesirable locations. Never give the evil one ONE inch, or one wrap around the wrist with his flaxen chord... never ever EVER do it! Only pain and a difficult, bitter repentance awaits the one who crosses over that line. His whisperings will cause one to lie at work to keep his their job. Will cause them to commit sins that you would never want to confess in a million years... confessing them to a judge in Israel, that you don't know, is hard enough. Confessing with the help of a bishop you DO know is double hard. Behold, today during the noon day is the time to prepare to meet God and not consume our time upon our curiosities that turn into much much more. Beware your thoughts and your words and your deeds!!!
May you be wise, and do as Jacob says, by closing his recorded word, in the Book of Mormon.
This I testify to you, and that this record is true and I lie not, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
"Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God" was given to the Devil by the Lord during his 40 days of fasting and journeying into the wilderness. Matt 4:7 ... if he did NOT do that, then so ought we NOT to do such, as well!
Oh how I wish I had obeyed that wise counsel and not tempted fate in my own life. Endowed member of the church and I spent time in places that I ought not to have been... and the devil laughed as it were and as if he should have also been saying, "You were so easy to sway..."
It is a long hard road back. I chose the ambulance down at the bottom of the cliff than to heed the fence at the top. I can only hope that with God's help, that I can make a full recovery, in my life... and that it is not everlastingly too late. I have been correcting all of my behavior and all of my wrongs. I feel the spirit coming back into my life in tiny spells of warmth but nothing like the constant companionship of the HG. My wife and I have talked many things through and I have wept bitter tears while in her arms asking her, "Would you recommend me to God?" after all that I have done. My sweet wife has and I think will forgive me eventually for the pain that I have caused her. My bishopric has asked me to serve her and to love her as I have never done so before. With this, I can only hope that my days may be long upon the land and that I too may be found worthy or found clean from the blood and sins of this generation.
We live in a sin sick world. I urge you to never never never never EVER tempt fate. Never flirt with disaster. Never see yourselves in unholy places. Never spend time in pubs or in gentlemen's clubs or adult themed toy stores or anything of the like... not even if another couple convinces you that it is okay, to go as a couple, or in ANY other undesirable locations. Never give the evil one ONE inch, or one wrap around the wrist with his flaxen chord... never ever EVER do it! Only pain and a difficult, bitter repentance awaits the one who crosses over that line. His whisperings will cause one to lie at work to keep his their job. Will cause them to commit sins that you would never want to confess in a million years... confessing them to a judge in Israel, that you don't know, is hard enough. Confessing with the help of a bishop you DO know is double hard. Behold, today during the noon day is the time to prepare to meet God and not consume our time upon our curiosities that turn into much much more. Beware your thoughts and your words and your deeds!!!
May you be wise, and do as Jacob says, by closing his recorded word, in the Book of Mormon.
This I testify to you, and that this record is true and I lie not, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Friday, April 26, 2013
There's nothing like it...
There's nothing like a good, deep clean.
Have you ever looked at what looks like an insurmountable project? or a mess that looks nearly impossible to clean? Well, this is what I had once when it took us nearly 6-8 weeks to move homes. We moved from Wyoming to Washington and the process involved taking nearly a half a dozen trips to the dump. We loaded up the van (emptied out of all seats) and drove to the nearest landfill and dumped heaps and heaps of just garbage. (They didn't recycle there as much except for cardboard... but things like foam or form fitting things and other undesirables would have to go somewhere!) I couldn't believe what I had allowed to collect.
Sure some toys were broken... some things were just nonsense paper that we didn't destroy or shred or burn and it collected.
Some of it was wood and other broken pieces from off the house. Some of this was wet and undesirable. I had to shovel out plenty of heaps of paper that had sat on semi-wet concrete. (I say semi-wet because this stuff sat in a shed that sat below a deck overhead.) The deck overhead leaked. Even though our stuff was relatively safe there, in the spring time during the thaw, it was beginning to get wet. There were spiders, bugs and other biologicals that lived underneath the pile.
There were doors to fix, unfinished basements to finish completely but was 99% done. I finished the final touches on the spare office/bedroom.
All and all, it was a mess. An undesirable mess to clean up. This to me, represents what sort of cleaning goes on in the soul.
When the garbage heaps pile up and we no longer have any view of the sun, which gives us warmth, we lay in the underbelly of papers and wet concrete, in a very undesirable place to be. We know the efforts that are required to make the personal temple presentable once more. It may take maybe 6-7 times at the offerings for sin; at the sacrament bar. It may take additional prayer and a shovel or two extra than one wanted to shovel to get those secret places clean. It may take a few final touches to make that home 100% completed and not just 99%...
I guess anything is possible so long as we don't burn down the house and render it beyond repair... but even then, hopefully, one may begin a new. God is both merciful and just. The best bet is to have a better way than not to allow sin to clutter our minds and stain our souls. Better to avoid sin than to have our hearts weighed down by it. Better to heed the fence at the top of a cliff than to place an ambulance down at the bottom of the ravine. Over all, there is a job to be done and with God's help, it may just be accomplished.
Have you ever looked at what looks like an insurmountable project? or a mess that looks nearly impossible to clean? Well, this is what I had once when it took us nearly 6-8 weeks to move homes. We moved from Wyoming to Washington and the process involved taking nearly a half a dozen trips to the dump. We loaded up the van (emptied out of all seats) and drove to the nearest landfill and dumped heaps and heaps of just garbage. (They didn't recycle there as much except for cardboard... but things like foam or form fitting things and other undesirables would have to go somewhere!) I couldn't believe what I had allowed to collect.
Sure some toys were broken... some things were just nonsense paper that we didn't destroy or shred or burn and it collected.
Some of it was wood and other broken pieces from off the house. Some of this was wet and undesirable. I had to shovel out plenty of heaps of paper that had sat on semi-wet concrete. (I say semi-wet because this stuff sat in a shed that sat below a deck overhead.) The deck overhead leaked. Even though our stuff was relatively safe there, in the spring time during the thaw, it was beginning to get wet. There were spiders, bugs and other biologicals that lived underneath the pile.
There were doors to fix, unfinished basements to finish completely but was 99% done. I finished the final touches on the spare office/bedroom.
All and all, it was a mess. An undesirable mess to clean up. This to me, represents what sort of cleaning goes on in the soul.
When the garbage heaps pile up and we no longer have any view of the sun, which gives us warmth, we lay in the underbelly of papers and wet concrete, in a very undesirable place to be. We know the efforts that are required to make the personal temple presentable once more. It may take maybe 6-7 times at the offerings for sin; at the sacrament bar. It may take additional prayer and a shovel or two extra than one wanted to shovel to get those secret places clean. It may take a few final touches to make that home 100% completed and not just 99%...
I guess anything is possible so long as we don't burn down the house and render it beyond repair... but even then, hopefully, one may begin a new. God is both merciful and just. The best bet is to have a better way than not to allow sin to clutter our minds and stain our souls. Better to avoid sin than to have our hearts weighed down by it. Better to heed the fence at the top of a cliff than to place an ambulance down at the bottom of the ravine. Over all, there is a job to be done and with God's help, it may just be accomplished.
Monday, April 22, 2013
There Is Hope For Every Soul That's Lost!
(Notes from the talk by Elder Kopischke)
Elder Erich W Kopischke had a talk in the last conference that popped up, one more time, but this time with a sign language accompaniment. This is what I derived from his talk and I hope that this pertains to me because if it pertains to me yet, it may also pertain to you and anyone else who wonders if they've "gone too far" to be recommended for salvation.
He outlined the simple pattern in which one may find ultimate acceptance of the Lord. And he paraphrased Joseph Smith speaking for and behalf of the Lord... he writes, "Verily I say unto you, all among them who know their hearts are honest, and are broken, and their spirits contrite, and are willing to observe their covenants by sacrifice—yea, every sacrifice which I, the Lord, shall command—they are accepted of me." Doctrine and Covenants Section 97:8
In the which, we are given 3 simple steps.
1) Know that our hearts are honest and broken.
2) know that our spirits are contrite.
3) be willing to observe our covenants by sacrifice. (as commanded by the Lord.)
Decision! Self reflection: we know our motives and desires. Broken = Soft, open, receptive heart vs hard hearted. Confirmation or gentle correction. Remorse; willin to pray over and acknowledge sins & short comings - contrite - willing to listen - to act(or do and not simply act like) - to humble oneself.
When our only desire is to serve him, we will be blessed w/ deep inner peace.
Prepare for that sacred ordiance. (The Sacrament) Acceptance + efforts + recognized = sins forgiven
Having the HG as our constant companion is the ultimate indicator that we are accepted of the father.
Stand firm and Faithful while the storms are raging around us. Seek and hope for that moment when the Lord says, "Well done thou good and faithful servant...thou hast been faithfull on a few things; thou shalt be a ruler of many!
Seek prayerfully over these things and he extends mercy and pardons those who repent!
Fear not, little children, for you are mine, and I have overcome the world, and you are of them that my Father hath given me; And none of them that my Father hath given me shall be lost. D&C 50:41-42
In conclusion, I want to close a thought from one of the songs I value, from Michael McLean... which goes:
There is an old Michael McClean song, I can't remember the name, I just remember a few lines of it. It goes like this,
"There is hope, for every soul that's lost. There is a way back home, no matter where you roam. Let His love heal you & lead you there. There's a place for every heart in pain, a place where there's not hurt, and there's no shame, let His love heal you & lead you there." - Michael McLean
In conclusion, In Elder Bednar's First Conference Talk As An Apostle, "he spoke of the tender mercies of the Lord, and how the Lord is in the details of our lives. So true. And ME, you said something that I think is pivotal, and that is that you've been working the program long enough (and I emphasize, "long enough") for you to begin to recognize some of those tender mercies in the details of your life.
"Don't get discouraged, any of you, no matter how long it takes, no matter how many tries it takes. And never fail to recognize any degree of improvement in your lives, and be thankful for it to the Lord in private prayer. The Lord is in the details of our lives."
This makes sense of anyone who has had a 'sore repentance' and it is my solemn prayer that the Lord's bowels may be filled with mercy and compassion towards all who are reading this message! May we do the things that our leaders suggest. May we all avoid SIN as though it were the plague! For there is NO JOY in sin. It may feel good, for a little while, but what remains is emptiness. If one would like their minds to be harrowed up in their many sins against the father, then by all means CONTINUE down that path. It is a lonely and a very dark place! If this has been our path, may our fates be like that of an Alma the Elder or even an Alma the Younger! Or perhaps a Zeezrom!
This I pray, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen! 1 Timothy 1:15 "This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief."
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